Tamworth Council Clears the Air: Tiles Were Definitely Something, Probably Not Important

In breaking news that has rocked exactly zero historians and at least three Facebook comment sections, Tamworth Regional Council has officially confirmed that the tiles in Ray Walsh House “may or may not have been marble.”

The announcement comes after weeks of speculation that the tiles were either historically significant, extremely valuable, or—at the very least—slightly nicer than lino. Council’s verdict? “Trust us, they weren’t.”

When pressed on how they knew, Council pointed to their most reliable source yet: absolutely nobody from 1997 left a note.

“Look, the building came with tiles. Were they marble? Maybe. Were they expensive? Possibly. Were they historically important? Definitely not, because we said so,” a spokesperson explained while furiously Googling “what is marble.”

The tiles were quietly removed during remediation works and, in a shocking twist, cannot be reinstated. Why? Because, like accountability, they’re gone forever.

Council has assured the community they will “continue to keep everyone updated,” which in Tamworth terms means releasing another statement in 12 months explaining that, while the tiles are still gone, they are “confident nothing of value was lost, probably.”

So rest easy, Tamworth—your marble (or not marble) mystery is solved. The facts are in: the tiles never mattered, and neither did your questions.