Locals Warned Not To Get Hopes Up As Cinema Redevelopment Blocked For 73rd Time
Tamworth locals were given a rare glimpse into an alternate reality where the town’s most prominent eyesore, the old Regent Cinema, could be something other than a pigeon sanctuary and asbestos guessing game.
A local design firm sparked dangerous levels of hope this week after sharing glossy renders of the derelict building reimagined as a rooftop bar, wine lounge, performance space, and even boutique offices.
But in a swift response, the town’s council was quick to clarify their position: “We appreciate the enthusiasm, but frankly, we prefer the building in its current state of slow-motion collapse,” said one councillor, adjusting the hi-vis vest they haven’t taken off since 2004. “It’s part of Tamworth’s identity now. People come from miles away to say, ‘Geez, what happened there?’ and we don’t want to lose that.”
Residents say they’ve long suspected that council enjoys the control of keeping the building in permanent limbo. “They get this twinkle in their eye whenever you ask about redevelopment,” said local man Barry Scragg. “It’s like they’re playing a game of Monopoly, but with real asbestos and everyone else’s time.”
Despite the excitement around the proposals, council has reassured residents that nothing will change. “We believe the Regent Cinema is best used as a daily reminder of bureaucracy’s raw power,” said another official. “Besides, if we fix it, where will the pigeons live? In your house? Didn’t think so.”
As part of their ongoing “community engagement strategy,” the council confirmed a survey will be sent out to residents offering three carefully considered options:
Leave It Rot
Fence It Off
Heritage Listing For Pigeons
Locals can expect more “visionary” concepts to be ignored over the next 20 years, with the council confirming they are working tirelessly on “further studies” into whether fresh paint might offend heritage ghosts.
